Temper Tantrums

Your one stop internet resource to understand and control temper tantrums.

What Should I Do When My Child Has a Tantrum?

 

The most effective approach to reduce and manage tantrums combines a Proactive and Reactive strategy. Proactive means dealing with the tantrum before it occurs.  In order to form an effective proactive strategy, you should ask yourself what circumstances are most likely to trigger the tantrum. 

 

For example, let’s assume that Tommy is most likely to have a tantrum when told it’s time for bed. What can you change to make bedtime more enjoyable and less frustrating for Tommy?  Consider Tommy’s favorite things and how you might incorporate them into the bedtime routine.  What are Tommy’s typical activities prior to bedtime?  How might these activities be contributing to the problem and how can you change this routine so that the transition to bedtime is smoother?  Consider offering a small reward for going to bed with good behavior.  Positive attention in the form of verbal praise and hugs for good behavior is also a must. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You need to combine your new proactive strategy with a good reactive strategy.  Reactive refers simply to how you will react to the tantrum.  Keep in mind that consistency is key to changing any behavior problem.  In most instances, the best reactive strategy for tantrums is planned ignoring.  Never give in to your child’s demands due to a tantrum or other bad behavior.  If you do, you will reinforce the behavior and make it more likely that the behavior will occur again.  For example, if Tommy gets to stay up later because he had a tantrum, he learns that a tantrum is an effective means of getting what he wants.  The best thing to do when a tantrum occurs is to remain calm and say something like “we’ll talk when you calm down.”  When your child calms down, praise him (i.e. “Good for you.  You calmed down.”) and label the feeling (i.e. “I know you were angry.”).  Then redirect your child’s attention to another topic (i.e. “Let’s go upstairs and you can pick a story you want me to read to you before bed.”  Don’t spend time talking about the tantrum. 

 

Keep in mind that your child’s tantrums may get worse before they get better.  This is especially true of you have inadvertently reinforced tantrums in the past.  For example, if, in the past, you have sometimes given in to your child’s demands, your child has learned that tantrums are an effective means of getting what he or she wants.  Therefore, your child will not initially understand that tantrums are no longer effective and will try harder.  Your consistent response is key and eventually your child will learn that tantrums never succeed.

 

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